It’s Okay to Not be Okay!
Normalizing the fact that every day won’t always be a good day is something we all needed, like yesterday. People want to see you smiling and view you as a content person with abnormally great well-being, but no one wants to catch you crying in the break room or even worse, the restroom. So when can we catch a break? Where do we find real rest?
I started taking heed to this complexity when my daughter would beg for a mental health day. Already at nine years old, she was pleading for a “time-out” from the tiring everyday mental toil that school demanded of her. She claimed her energy needed recharging, just one day at home where she didn’t have to “deal”, and man, I really felt that one. Why are we the only ones whose social batteries need tending to? Just one day can go a really long way when the world feels like a whipping whirlwind with no end in sight.
Feeling conflicted from dealing with personal emotions can be crippling, especially when we may not know how to confront them in a healthy way. This is a naturally occurring feat sometimes due to the simple lack of understanding from those we were taught by and who set an example for us growing up. Acceptance would be refreshing in the lingering corner of mental instability. Acknowledgement would be an even further charge of rejuvenation. The friction from all the confrontation we work so tirelessly to avoid is currently draining us in the stead of empowering us, as adults.
Living on fast forward most days is where we find ourselves by the middle of the week. We haven’t processed the argument with our mother or the disagreement with our spouse, and have spent the week so far carrying grudges and harboring resentment which makes the load even heavier of the daily tasks and to-dos. When life gets to be too much, we tend to lean out of society and into our hermit crab shells. We prefer texts to phone calls and practice anti-social behavior that is subliminally telling on us, as we attempt to mask ourselves from the world behind selfies and reposts and short one word responses. We can’t stimulate an authentic conversation, so we just converse in emojis to get our points across otherwise. Before you realize it, you’ve been disassociating from not only the discomforts of life caused by your mishandled problems and family issues but life entirely in itself. Many of us have become so accustomed to this way of life that we fail to realize just how deeply it has consumed us. Scrolling away at our phones, liking and sharing, clicking and comparing. We find solace in forming opinions about others and how it coincides with our lives instead of forming plans and formulating opportunities for our own personal growth and goal attainment.
“Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
(Serenity Prayer)
Every day won’t always be a good day, but we can make the most out of every day by living it in the moment as it comes. The Serenity Prayer (quoted above) has gotten me through those tough moments that I have found myself stuck and stuttering on. Sometimes something just makes us so mad, for me it is usually another person or a circumstance that feels out of my control. This prayer has a sure-fire of way of helping me refocus my energy and realize that I am causing myself harm stressing about the things out of my power. That leads me to another interesting point:
“Anger and Rage only Cause Loss and Pain.”
(Anonymous)
When we get angry or upset, we truly are just hurting OURSELVES. Getting mad pumps up our cortisol levels when our blood is set to boil and the effects that cortisol inflicts upon our bodies is imminently destructive to our well-being in countless ways. The affect from blood pressure increase is enough to ensue a roundabout of cyclical effects to follow suit by that rate.
So what is the scoop on the solution to not being okay? Simply being. Be it! It is OKAY to NOT be completely okay sometimes! Feel that, allow yourself to understand what is making you feel that way and what would actually make it okay after the fact. Then you may be getting somewhere sooner than later. We tend to get stuck in these ruts that can lead to depression the more we avoid ourselves (and others). Talk to someone, even if it’s yourself. The best way to pull that one off without causing some calls to the psych ward would be self-reflecting in a personal journal. It doesn’t have to be beautiful but it should be specifically resorted to for this task and not be used for random scribblings, otherwise the journal loses its respectability to a sense. This should be a sacred space for you, for your emotions and feelings, and it should allow you a place to be effortlessly, without worrying what the world will think and getting back down to the core of all that matters: What WE really think. If you aren’t much of a writer, or a talker, sitting in silence may be a better bet for you. Some people find solace in meditation, which goes hand in hand with breath-work, and some even dare to work out their life issues through a series of yoga poses in their weekly sessions. These activities are all highly beneficial for the mental and physical aspects of our bodies, especially on the days we aren’t feeling “okay”. It slows us down enough to actually allow us the space to process the life we are living to get the most out of it, and anyone who doesn’t believe that is necessary must not have much to deal with on a daily basis. If we can’t enjoy the constant final takeaways of our life experiences then ultimately what is the point of living? We cannot possibly be positive ALL of the time, and it is a crying shame to force anyone to feel that is a realistic standard of living.
Getting back to the source is so simple sometimes, but we like to make our lives difficult without cause or reason. It consists of the easiest tasks, but wind up being the hardest things we can bring ourselves to do in our lowest moments. There is no point in seeking to decode the mystery of why this is so, rather than accepting it as our destiny. We need the days of not being okay to really appreciate the greatness of the really good days. The flowers may not fancy all the rain, but without it they would never get their little seedy heads up out the soil to soak in all the sunshine of the world to feed its blooming petals. Don’t be like those who see that it’s raining and complain about getting wet, be the one who dares to dance wildly in it instead.
